Pissed Off So Much I Can’t Think Of Some “Catchy” Headline

(imagine this guy’s head blowing up and you’re quite close to how I feel)

Well my day just got worse. I’m broke and what’s even worse, I can’t monetize off this blog, not that it would be much help. I just don’t see why we can’t monetize our blogs but with WordPress.org it’s ok, I own a domain but my computer is so shit I cant install all the wordpress crap to use on my domain. time for an acronym I feel WTF!!!!

Back to Routine

For some of you, the festive season has ended, life as it’s known has returned too quickly whilst others of you may still be grinning with glee because you don’t have to go back to work/college/prostitution (hold on…) just as yet, well screw you. This is just a quick Happy New Year to those frequent readers, expect the same and so much more this year. Hope you got drunk!

How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take?

I know it’s been a long time again since I did a post but I’m too busy with my 360 Elite (in my own little world, I am King) but whilst not playing the glorious machine (which will probably red-ring but it’s worth it…Shh this isn’t about the Xbox) I came across a nice little site named How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take In A Fight, it’s a bit like “Snakes On A Plane” where the whole premise is in the title, it’s a quick little survey that tells you how many five year old children you could knock unconscious whilst having them all swarm at you mercilessly. Want to know my score?

30!!!

So why not spend some Christmas cheer finding out how many of those lil suckers you could whoop. Right screw this I’m off to Xbox Land

I’m Back

Hey everyone, sorry if you’re a regular reader as I haven’t been posting lately; I’ve had a lot going on at the moment. One thing that happened this week which I made a note of that I would post on here about is a fortune cookie I received, it said “Confucius say - Man who go too far…get slapped” now isn’t that the most obvious piece of crap ever, it’s like saying “eat biscuits in bed…you get crumbs” every man knows if he goes to far he gets slapped, most of us have been there.

P.S I recently hooked up my old Dreamcast and haven’t had so much nostalgic fun in ages.

Rant Out

The Greatest Humor Of All

For years and years many scholars and philosophers (including the random normal folk) have wondered “what is the funniest thing in the world.” Now ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present my findings. The funniest thing known to man is…a fart yes you read correctly, a trump, a botty burp, the anal salute, your own backfire, blowing the butt bugle (I could go on but I think you’ve already found it too disgusting to handle) for eighteen years of my life, no matter how many times I hear it; I will always have a good chuckle at an astounding fart, it’s human nature to do it, yet we consistently find ourselves refraining from showing that we fart. I myself frequently keep my farts “in” at college (making them worse when I’m all alone) yet some of my fellow students feel alright “letting rip”. I would like to hear your views, comment or email me.

 P.S. I heard from a former maths teacher that it’s extremely harmful to your health to sustain a fart than it is to hold from urinating, this is why I pop a banger whenever possible. It’s a good reason too.

Sexy T-shirts…Get Some Sense

Before I start, I’m not going to say you shouldn’t/can’t wear provocative t-shirts, by all means ladies I endorse the practice. Just don’t wear one when your such a frigid bitch that Hell would actually freeze over if you even took a step within it, your sending out the wrong messages, really wrong messages. For instance, if a woman was wearing an article of clothing that proclaimed “Sex Kitten” and I happen to spot this and decide “I’ll just make a risque humorous comment that with most people at least I’d get a snigger” and what I end up with is a slap in the face and being called a pervert then I’m going to have to say that I stand in the right and was partially led on into the situation (this incident didn’t happen to me but I witnessed it happen - tough break for the guy) Ladies please, we have enough problems trying to understand the signals you’re throwing out to us, don’t make it harder.

If you are interested in any crude and rude humour shirts I suggest taking a look at T-Shirt Hell

Seriously though, you are likely to be offended by T-Shirt Hell in some way or another so don’t bitch to me. I like the place! (I just gave them a free plug)

Joined At The Friggin’ Hip

If there is one thing in life that I’ve never been great at, apart from understanding politics, it would have to be relationships; that shit just mind-boggles the fuck out of me, it’s not that I can’t feel love for someone, I can do that, I just can’t love someone so much that I have to hear about their bullshit day non-stop whilst I’m trying to watch some TV once in a while because if you put me in that situation I can guarantee that someones head is going to end up with a bullet in it, and the sad part would be that it’s my head. For me, I will only get into a relationship if I feel comfortable, the last time I didn’t follow my rules I ended up wishing I could rip out my eyes everyday, that’s a situation no-one wants; If I feel that I’m going to wind up with my phone growing out of my ear when I’m not with this woman you can bet on it that I am going to drop that baggage at the next chance I get.

But you never can tell exactly how a relationship is going to pan out, they might be trying to get you into a trap of thinking they are going to be a good catch and as soon as you start telling yourself that very thought, BOOM, you got no time to yourself; the only time you do enjoy is the sex but even that is a chore, you’ll be together (when your not in a public place) on average for about 5 hours, for just one of those hours you’ll be doing the deed etc. Do you know what that means? For four of those hour’s your listening to some insignificant bullshit about how Katie gets right on her tits, or why she thinks she’s slightly plump and you never compliment her even though you think she is above par on the attractive scale. The only time you might get alone is at work. You’ve gone from one shit-hole to the other and your not going to be able to eat your lunch because she has told you when she’s going to ring and if you don’t pickup then that little hour of sanctity is going bye-bye.

I must apologise if you stumbled across this entry thinking it had something to do with Siamese twins, which then begs the question, how do Siamese twins deal with dating?

Rant Over!

I’m A Normal Person, Get Me Out Of Here

Some of you may know that the new series of “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here” has begun on ITV, now stop me if I’m wrong but I think there’s something wrong with that title, particularly the word “Celebrity”, From what I’ve seen from little glimpses of the show (I have better things to do and for once, college work is one of those better things) I know 4 of the people on the show and for some reason thought one of them was dead; that’s never a good start in a comeback career move. The rest could be hobo’s for all I knew, this is when I began thinking “why not just open the next series with actual people off the street?” or even better “Get something new and original” and then genius struck and I thought “Get rid of it”. The reality show is a dying breed and I don’t care what crap you throw at me and all kinds of statistics, it remains a fact that audiences are losing interest, ACTUAL celebrities don’t want to put their career on the line and it’s becoming the same thing over and over again. Rant Over!

(Although I am enjoying Strictly Come Dancing - that’s quite good)

Goddamn Education

From my statement above you’d think that I’m one of those people who despises education, loathes it to the very core yet in-fact it is one of those few things which keep me in line and disciplined. I just keep asking myself, “Why do I do this to myself?” what with all the stress and work that has to be done on deadlines, whilst keeping your job and social life. In recent news it is now illegal for school children to now drop out before turning 16, you must now drop out at 18. This to me is a decision that the government should not agree with though I can understand why they would decide to do this. Many UK youths are being looked at in a different light, if it’s not them (excuse me, Us!) being too lazy, it’s binge drinking, how we have no manners etc. the list is endless, but I have an example of where this new system would fail. After I left secondary school, I went straight to College with two of my friends, they are not the most academic of people and went to college with lazy mentalities of the work load, they both dropped out but are now in full-time jobs where they are learning new skills and experiences and earning more than most people their age in a week, certainly earning more than me in a week and I’m a full time student and part-time worker, struggling to make ends meet. Another failure of the government, so sure, fine those people who leave secondary school and do nothing but watch how many people go into jobs and succeed. I better shut up before I get started on EMA. Rant Over!

Comments accepted with open arms. 

Get Your Free Xbox 360

From the title you’re probably thinking this is some sort of scam, well it isn’t. To help me and more importantly, you to get a free Xbox 360 follow these instructions:

1. follow this link http://360giveaway.co.uk/index.php?referral=203971

2. Sign up, there is no need to insert any bank account details, remember it’s Free! duh

3. Complete an offer (I chose the LOVEFiLM dvd rental free trial) with the free trial you can cancel as soon as you have received and sent back a DVD and the site tells you the offer was completed successfully.

4. Get 10 referrals (this can be the hard part) get 10 people to sign up and complete an offer and you will receive your free gift.

If you have any questions or queries about this offer then send me an email at chrissypo0.black@gmail.com

P.S This type of offer (using iPods) was shown on an episode of BBC’s Newsnight and you can see the video here